Poker is so...

Let's just say that the people who thought of the word "frustrating" should've thought up a stronger, more meaningful word for poker. My "mental issues" with the game are far from being solved and at the moment, my greatest fight is against the frustration of not making it to NL100 yet. The sad thing is that I was at $1900 roll on monday. Now I'm at $1300 and I only played two big sessions. That last $100 has been the pain in the ass for the last... decade. I just get overhyped and go crazy, trying to get that last $100 before moving up to the SSNL. I'm currently on a break (which I might have to lengthen) that will end on monday. However, I did play some donkaments yesterday and after getting 2-4 outed in 4 of the 5 tournies, I decided that was enough - plus I got the "time killing" done that I wanted to.

Today I thought of not playing at all, but there was this µNL donkament going so I figured I'd go there. Without a single showdown I got up to 3000 stack pretty quickly, but that was about as good as it would get. I then made a brilliant resteal against CO raiser, only to find BB holding AKs, taking a nice chunk from my stack (I had livecards, but what can you do). I continued to run to KK and QQ from raising on the button (I think 3 times total in addition to the AKs hand).

Finally I pushed in with AKs UTG and got called down by MP AJs. Flop came Kxx, but turn and river were jacks (naturally) and I was out. I think this doesn't exactly boost my mentality on the game so I might even take monday off too. I'm working on some stuff anyway so it's not like I didn't have things to do.

Even though my goal of reaching NLx00 (practically it means NL100) by christmas should be very very easy given the level of play and the amount of time, unless I manage to overcome this stupid "OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG NL100 OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG" feeling, it might prove out to be ridiculously hard to make it. The amount of desperation and depression I'm feeling over this week is inconcievably big and even though grinding 14 buy-ins in 45 days should be virtually automatic with even a bad winrate, it gets me to doubt myself. If I just could go without thinking about it but fuck - I've been stuck on this wreched limit for a year. How the hell do I get the excitement to go down. Maybe I'll buy some calming medicine ffs. I had this br race with a friend too and we went up to $1900 hand in hand. Then I figured it was time to part ways and he'll probably reach NL200 by christmas. :D

Cheers.